I am a manatee

I got weighed again today. So far I have gained about 31 lbs. I say "about" because I didn't get weighed the first time until I was a couple of months pregnant so it's possible I have gained more than 31 lbs.

I took a picture of myself today:

Actually this is a more accurate representation, with respect to my face:



I am not going to name any names, but I saw someone a few days ago and that someone smiled at me and said, "You've gained weight." I smiled back and didn't grab that smiley mouth with both my hands and wrap it around her head. I am learning to be Patient and keep the violence in my head. I'm sure this will prove helpful as a parent.

The doctor commented that as far as she could tell I was measuring normal, and that I could get a growth scan in a couple of weeks to take a closer look at the Jeefling. I said, "is it possible to have a 31 lb. baby? Because it would be nice to go down to my original weight right after labor."

She looked at me like I was Extremely Stupid. "No, you don't want a 31 lb. baby." I looked at the ground. "Yeah, you're right. I don't." I hate you.

Are you coming to clean my gigantic poo?