Breastfeeding

The word "breast" makes me feel uncomfortable. I never use it, and whenever I hear it, I simultaneously think of chickens first, then women.

But that is not my point. My point is that I know that God is a man. I know because when he was thinking about how human beings would nourish their children, and considering the infinite options (infinite because he is God and if he decided that women would feed their children from bottle attachments that would sprout organically from their hands, then it would have happened), he decided, "oh I know, they shall feed their children from their nipples, and milk shall flow from them". Why not our feet? Arms? Foreheads? Any other part of our body besides one of the most sensitive parts?

To put this in perspective, if men were the ones who had to feed the children, it would be like making them feed them with their milk-filled penis (penii?). Ouch, right? RIGHT.

Sometimes V will take my boob and SHAKE IT BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN HER GUMS like a dog shakes its prey to break its spine. Basically she is trying to kill my boob, and she is succeeding. It's been 10 weeks now, and a truck could run over my boob, and it's possible that I would just scratch at it like an itch.