Remember that scene from Psycho?

If either my mother or mother-in-law says ONE MORE TIME that I need to lose the baby weight, I will seriously kill them. There will be tears and blood and possibly little pieces of brain, and it won't be mine.

My mom started her campaign 10 days after I gave birth. TEN F*CKING DAYS. My mother-in-law says shit like, "you shouldn't get any fatter than you already are, but here take this cake home and eat it".

I don't know what purpose they think their comments are serving. Do they think I am deliberately plan to keep these extra 40 lbs or so on? Because it's fun to continue wearing my maternity clothes? Because I like looking and feeling like I've ingested a healthy toddler? I just wish they would, oh I don't know, THINK before they open their fat traps. If they thought about it, then they would realize they should keep their yaps shut. If I've decided to keep the weight on, then their comments are irrelevant because I already made my decision. If I've decided that I want to lose the weight, then their comments are still irrelevant because I'm already there.

If I knew we were playing a game of dumbshit honesty, then I have lots of helpful advice to volunteer to them as well! "Look at all your wrinkles! Jeezus you look frickin' old. It must really be awful to lose your hair like that, and look like a balding man. Why are you making that ugly face right now? Are you in a bad mood right now because you are in menopause?"

Every time I think about this, my brain lights on fire and my mental function grinds to a halt. There is no one in the vicinity that I can kill right now, so I am going to go swiffer the shit out of my apartment instead.