Vacation with a 3 month old

For some reason I thought vacation with a baby would be like going on regular vacation, the only difference being that I bring the baby everywhere. Not the case!

First of all, 99% of your luggage is devoted to the baby, and you need to bring every thing that the baby may possibly need. It was a 4 day/3 night trip to the Dominican Republic, and I brought over 40 diapers, 10 pairs of baby socks, 10 changes of baby clothes (clothes for the plane, each day, and clothes to change into on the plane or in the DR in case the baby craps into her clothes, which has happened before), a package of baby wipes, baby formula (liquid and powder), bottle parts, the [chicken] breast pump, pump parts, a device that sucks snot out of the baby's nose, baby bath products, baby carrier and other baby crap. I had like 58 lbs of baby crap in one suitcase, for which I had to pay an overweight fee of $100. I could have fed, changed and clothed an orphanage of babies. I packed like a shirt and shorts for myself and squeezed it into the corners of the suitcase.

Then you have to get your carry-ons in order. Mostly, you will need to create a mini-version of your big suitcase, in case the baby gets hungry, craps, etc on the plane. And then you also need the car seat if you bought a seat for the baby, the stroller that you will gatecheck unless you want to lug the baby in the carseat through the airport (the carseat itself is not that heavy, and the baby weighs maybe 13 or 14 lbs, but together they chemically react to weigh 100 lbs), and the stroller cover, unless you want to risk having your stroller murdered by homicidal airport luggage handlers. Somewhere in there, you have to squeeze in everyone's passport, money, and if you have room, something to read.

Don't even talk to me about going through security with a baby. You've got to get all your crap into those stupid bins, take out the liquid baby formula and let the TSA agents know that there's liquid in excess of the usual amounts in your stuff and it's baby formula, take the baby out of the stroller, fold the stroller and take yourself and the baby through the metal detectors while 3000 people are standing in line staring at you. Seriously I could understand if someone forgot/lost their baby during this process, because you are supposed to do about 23 things instantaneously, with 2 eyes and 2 arms. Dear God please make me an octopus right now please please please.

Then there is the plane ride. There is not much to be said about this. If your baby doesn't cry, it's awesome. If your baby cries, you want to take a running start at the emergency exit so that you can float peacefully amongst the silent fluffy clouds.

Then you get to the resort. Note of warning: your baby may hate and scream her head off at everything. She may scream while sitting at the breakfast table, standing at the breakfast table, being jiggled up/down, side/side at the breakfast table, sitting in the stroller by the pool, sitting in the carseat by the pool, sitting in the baby carrier by the pool, etc. She may end up spending 90% of the time being put to sleep in her carseat, under your coat, in the closet of your hotel room.



Yes, you could have done that in NYC for thousands of dollars less, but don't think about that.

In the end, you may return home paler than you were when you left. Congratulations, you have just gone on vacation with your 3 month old.