Workers' comp

I have none, since I have no job, but how about the government cover injuries incurred by parents in the course of nurturing their children?

In the past few weeks, I have been repeatedly whacked in the forehead, stabbed in the eye, punched in the nose, and today, slapped in the face by my little princess. The slap in the face was weird because the other times, she was swinging something around or trying to grab something and accidentally gouged me in the face. But this time, I was lying back on the sofa with my eyes closed, Yanni playing on the iPad, getting my old person groove on, when she just reaches over and SMACK! I opened my eyes and looked at her, and she had this mean "Don't F with me" on her face. Or it might have been a "I hate Yanni, turn that F-ing shit off" face. It's difficult to deal with, because I have never spent more than 15 minutes alone with a child before I had V, and my instinct is to hit back. Of course I restrain myself, but my arm wants to go flying.

In case you skimmed all of that and only focused on "hit back", I DO NOT HIT MY CHILD.
But I do munch on her arms and legs.