Being a stay at home mom

Last night (this morning?) I went to bed at 12:44 am, and was woken up at 3:45 am, 5:30 am, 5:44 am, 5:52 am, 6:04 am, 6:10 am, and laid on my back in a zombie daze from 6:20 am to 6:40 am, when I could no longer take the kicking of my ribs and the pulling of my hair.

I hated my job (is there a theme today?) but at least I got to sleep in continuous stretches. When my blackberry buzzed, I could ignore it. Or rather, I could ignore it and it wouldn't shriek and yank at me. And let me tell you. Waking up to the sound of a baby crying in the middle of the night is like waking up to someone driving a spike in your ear canal. It is piercing. It is horrible. And for some reason, although you are completely dead tired and don't want to put on pants, your baby is wide awake and wants to play. And you have no other choice but to put on pants and play (aka, obediently fetch the toys that she throws again and again and again).

Before my current incarnation, when I was a working woman of the world, I jokingly referred to maternity leave as vacation. I dreamed of being a stay at home mom, so I could sit on my ass all day and watch tv. I was joking but also kind of not. Because staying at home is so easy, right?

SURPRISE! Babies need constant attention. It's not like your job, when you can set aside your work for 5 or 10 or 45 minutes to surf the interwebz and google chat with your similarly delinquent friends. If I ignore V for 5 minutes, she will whimper, then whine, then yell, then CRRYYYYYYY. This means that if I have to leave the living room to go to the bathroom, I have to sing DO-RE-MI from the Sound of Music from the top of my lungs so that she knows I haven't abandoned her forever. If I have to go into the kitchen to wash dishes, I have to sing. If I have to go into her room to get a bib, I have to sing. You get the picture. I have sung that song 843,277 times. I am Julie freaking Andrews.

Anyhooz, being a SAHM is not all shits and giggles. Well, there are lots of both, but there is no sitting on my ass and watching tv all day. Right now for example, I am blogging and also yodeling for V. Have you ever tried typing and singing at the same time? It is hard. This is also work. It is work that is sometimes mind-numbing, tedious, and that I don't get paid enough for, but what job isn't?

Mommy, you are my bitch and you know it. Squeeee!