Mom Friends

I was really psyched to finally be done with school, if only because it meant that I didn't have to be worried about finding friends, wondering if I had any friends, who I was going to eat lunch with ACK!

I was never good at making friends. I was always very shy. Nowadays, it comes off as me just being a bitch, but I really had no other desire than to disappear when I was in a room full of people when I was little. I never had some huge traumatic event where some girl screamed NO I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND at me. I was just that way.

I can't remember an instance in which I went out and made a friend. Mostly people came and made friends with me. This happened in second grade, when I moved to a new school when three girls came to dance in front of me so that I wouldn't cry, in ninth grade, when two gangsta bitch looking girls came up to me and asked me if I wanted to be gangsta bitch looking too, in tenth grade when my parents abruptly put me in a new school because of said gangsta bitches and people were enthralled by my pants which were the ones my dad used to wear in the 70s, and in college when I reunited with my debaucherous friends from the previous summer.

I realized today that the friend-making is not over. At the playground, there are always little groups of women, and a few men. Some are nannies, and some are parents. They chat together and laugh and compliment each other on their children. I must have missed the orientation. I can't figure out if they were friends and that is why they came to the playground together, or if they met on the playground and are now friends. I have conversed briefly with a few parents ("I'm sorry that my daughter threw sand in your kid's eye") but nothing consistent. I am starting to get that I-might-have-to-eat-lunch-by-myself feeling. I may have to break out my dad's pants again.